For the most part, I've kept pretty quiet about my disdain for "He's Just Not that into You" in the past two weeks. All the while, it has been performing extremely well at the box office including a debut at #1 in its opening weekend. Lately, though, I've heard about more people seeing the movie, and quite frankly, I can't take it anymore. It probably boils down to me just not fully understanding the opposite sex, I mean, after all, I saw "Rocky Balboa" on opening night. What bothers me is that there are five best picture nominees currently playing, and that doesn't even include films like "Gran Torino" and "The Wrestler." So, why would anyone choose to pay $10.50 to see this piece of garbage? I just don't know...So, the question remains, what can I do about it? There is only one answer, and that answer is to welcome the cast of He's just not that into you to the premiere edition of a new recurring feature here at SYCBS called "Boom! Roasted!" It is only right that I steal an idea from The Office and apply it to the cast of a movie that was actually directed by one of The Office's best directors, Ken Kwapis. Furthermore, Boom! Roasted! will allow me to say mean things about people I don't actually know in a playful way because really, that's what blogging is all about right? So without further ado, I welcome you to Boom! Roasted!: The Cast of "He's Just Not That Into You" Edition.
Ginnifer Goodwin: I had to look up your IMDB page just to find out who you were. Everyone hated you in Walk the Line, and nobody watches Big Love. Boom. Roasted.
Bradley Cooper: I like crab cakes and football, but not you. Michael Jordan was funnier hosting SNL than you were. Boom. Roasted.
Jennifer Connelly: You followed up Blood Diamond with The Day The Earth Stood Still and this piece of crap. Also, Celebrity Sleuth named you the #14 Sexiest Woman..... 0f 1993. Boom. Roasted.
Justin Long: You're not the next Vince Vaughn, I wouldn't date Drew Barrymore, and everyone thinks you're gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). Boom. Roasted.
Scarlett Johansson: You were in Home Alone 3. Boom. Roasted.
Kevin Connolly: Nobody would watch Entourage without Jeremy Piven. I thought you were dying and the Make-A-Wish foundation intervened when I heard about your Golden Globe nomination. TGI Friday's no longer has booster seats. Nicky Hilton. Boom. Roasted.
Drew Barrymore: Your last 3 movies: Music and Lyrics. Beverly Hills Chihuahua, He's just not that into you. You should know that Adam Sandler has taken you off his buddy list. Also, you deserved Glenn Gulia. Boom. Roasted.
Ben Affleck: The two most precious things in your life, Matt Damon and the city of Boston, both pretend not to know you anymore. Boom. Roasted.
Jennifer Aniston: Angelin... I can't. You're awesome. What are you doing with these losers?
Posts
So I says to the girl "He's just not that into you" well..."definately, maybe" but if your writing in "the notebook" about it then its obvious you didnt get "you got mailed" dont feel like you need to nanny di....aries over such a simple case of "serendipity" because your bothering me and "something's got to give", "Little women"!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've for one second liked or pretended to like Drew Barrymore. She's not really funny. She's not especially attractive. I can't recall ever seeing a movie with her, grasping my date's hand, and chuckling, "You know, love, I couldn't imagine anyone pulling off that role except for the estimable Ms. Barrymore." I agree with Chuck: Robbie Hart could have done way better.
ReplyDeleteAffleck's acting career has derailed into a punchline and authorities are still sorting out the carnage, but I think he's got some talent as a director. Gone Baby Gone was spectack-u-lah.
Im sorry but those Mac vs PC commercials with Justin Long are supposed to be pro Mac? I even own a Mac, but for some reason when those commercials come on, I want to throw my $2700 Mac book out the fucking window. Steve Jobs with all his billions couldn't find a more suitable celebrity for these commercials? Does he realize that Justin Long actually makes that fat, ugly , cant by luck if it cost a penny looking mother fucker PC guy look cool? I never liked Justin Long. He couldn't even manage looking cool in waiting, and he was banging some hot blonde chick. Seriously, Heath Ledger dies, and this piece of shit is still acting.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I'm going to do this.
ReplyDeleteDrew Barrymore is amazing and gorgeous. She is such a fun free spirit who is such an optimistic and a complete lover of life. One of the few good role models in Hollywood. She completely turned her life around.
http://media.welovebeauty.com/blog/co/20070208-drew-barrymore.jpg
And I was going to stick up for Justin Long but from my understanding, too many people hate on those Mac commercials. But he was picked before he was a celebrity and making movies, just for the record.
=)
I love you Caresse, but I hate Drew. When she speaks, I wonder if I could count the brain cells floating around in her head on one hand. I think I could.
ReplyDeleteI Hate Chuck
ReplyDeleteLindsay, I promise...give me like thirty minutes and you will love her.
ReplyDeleteYou know, now that I really think about it, I liked the opening sequence in Scream.
ReplyDeleteI just watched the movie online for free... sooo glad that I didn't have to pay any money to watch it.. although I do wish I could get back the 2 hours of my life that were wasted watching it. The ending is cute but the movie is just drawn out for way too long. Okay, we get it, he's just not that into you.. we don't need the 1 hour and 45 minutes explaining that. Its pretty simple.
ReplyDelete